~emBarAssInG exPerIenCe~

   OMG,,the day i'd never guess will be like this.The day i'd never think will be something that embarass me damn much..Get a flu,and worked..Huh..How to start it out..Hahaha..So embarass but when i think back,it's quite funny...Emmkk...
   Dr Thines asked me to assist him to do Toilet and Suture(T&S)..Why me???Hahaha..Only at a finger..Just a little..and i am so excited to assist him..There were also have kak zyha,2 MA student and a HO.So i was assisted him..Suddenly i felt dizzy,like want to vomit..headache..I try to hold it until the procedure done..But i cant..Really cant..I told kak zyha.."i cant hold it..Will i go.." She said yep..But before i asked a permission from the doctor,,I  lost my balancing and almost fall down.Dr asked why..I said,"i cant hold it anymore" and i let out a glove in my hand,open a mask and go away..I felt very dizzy,,like want to vomit, and i dont see anything,its all dark..A black spots in front of me...i dont know what dr and the MA's student talked about me.but i really cant hold it anymore..
   So,whwn i'm quite okey,i go and see the procedure again..Hahaha...The doctor say nothing except look at me..A student nurse cant hold on wit blood..opssss,,a much of blood k..But its very made me shy damn much..huh......!!!Never forget this day....:-(

HURT??DID I REALISE IT????????

We wish to take good care of others heart,but we never realize that we had hurt ourself.We only realize when we felt very pain.There were no signs or symptoms,no blood,no shortness of breath,no palpitations or nothings…We just know when we felt very pain,fully in our mind,felt like the mind want to burst out..How to treat?We can treat it easily like we treat hurt outside.If its hurt outside,we can do dressing,using saline water or distilled water or povidone and put gauze.Stop the bleeding and treat the scars using a cream..But what if its inside?Can we do dressing?Can we put gauze to stop the bleeding?Can we treat the scars using cream?We cant???We never can do it….Did tears can treat it?Did cry can make us feel better?Did chocolate can make us calm???

                We always wish to take good care of others heart,but we never realized that we had hurt the others.We never realize it…J..Just to take care of one’s heart to not be hurt,we hurt so many people heart.But its not the purpose exactly.To take good care of others heart,we had be so hypocrite.Why all did happen?Until when we try to hide our real behavior???

                We always wish and try to do the best,,and we never realize that we need to put something others at the  back.We always want to be the best..But why we don’t do our best???Huh!!!It is life so hard??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????It is life so complex like yhis??????????????????????????????????????????????????????Cant life be more easily?Cant life be same all the lives…….>>>

                If I can make wish,I wanna wish,so that,God will give me a wish for me to wish...But this is not cartoon life…So,,its out of dream…J

Let the hurt treated by itself…….Use laugh as a cream ok…Hehehe….

benCinTa....

Benarkan ku 'tuk berbicara...
Bicara terus ke hati mu.. Hati mu..
Hati yang penuh rasa ragu
Jangan terus pergi
Tanpa mendengar ku
Mungkin mudah
Untuk kau terus berlalu
Nanti dulu
Berikanlah waktu
Untuk aku, untuk kamu

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Lidah kelu sedangkan aku
Mahu kau tahu
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Ke tepi lihat ku berlalu
Pasti itu yang terbaik untuk ku
Tiada lagi mahu ku tahu
Tentang hidup kamu
Tentang mati kamu
Aku tahu
Engkau tahu apa yang mata ku tahu
Apa yang kau tunggu
Mahu aku buka pintu?

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Sedang aku mahu kau tahu
Dengar kata ku
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Sakitnya aku
Membenci kamu
Sakit lagi mencintai mu
Dan aku pergi
Tapi kembali
Benci aku mencintai diri mu
Ku benci... Kamu
Ku cinta... Kamu

ItS eNd aT aLL..:-(

   Emmxx..I dont know what to write coz i dont know what i feel right now..It end at all..Its over...All over........I want to cry,,but my my tears dont want to fall down..I want to shout out loudly,but seems like i cant do that..This is not forest nor sea that the others cant hear me...
   Sometimes i feel,why must its happen to me?Why must i jump into this type of problems?Why must i let it blurred mine...?I dont know what happen to me sometimes.I need it,,and i want it...And now,after its all over,,let it go,find their way by itself,,and i,need to take care of my heart becoz its to fragile.........Thats what my mind said,my friend said,it said...I can get better..
   But its not the matter at all.Only me know whats make it different from others,that i cant get it from others.Even i know,i will never get it anymore.....
    Mengapa mesti ayat sebegitu yang perlu diberikan kepada aku??Itu bukan yang pertama...Ayat sebegitu seruzly buat aku rasa trauma...Ayat sebegitu aku rasa sungguh tak masuk akal..Seriously,,otak aku xley terima,,better bagi aku ayat yang kasar dan menyakitkan hati dari bagi ayat yang lembut tp buat aku rasa bengangggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   Xpe lah...usah di kenang apa yang dah berlalu..Look forward,,,as muslim,kena percaya pada takdir..So believe that Allah swt know better....Emmk,,,buat kamu si penyumbang lagu,saya tetap suka dengar awak nyanyi..hehehe...Nanti jumpa lagi bila dah keje ek..insyaAllah lagi setahun kan...So,,2 tahun akan datang kita jumpa ok..:-)

   (sye sedih sebenarnya,tp,saya kan da besar,malu lah kalo nangis lagi kan....)

my HoLidAy..

   Yeah,,di kampung suda,,Hari ni hari yang ke-3 kat rumah..Bowink giler doe.Xde geng lepak..Sometimes i felt some regrets coz balik kampung,,but i'm actually shouldnt think like that..It is right..Hurm...Rasa macam nak kuar pegi lepak kat mane2 je lah...Huhhuhuhu...
oit kengkawan,,,mane angpa,aku bowink tahap dewa giler-giler nih........waaaaaaaaaaaaa..........Mee celup layan da,jap g aku nak p beli ABC..huhu..Gemok h aku duk makan tido kat umah ary-ary..Huh............Jom sape nak ikot aku pegi beli ABC..syiokk gak beb layan time anas-panas camni..
Hahaha,,Forgot one things,,i madly crazy with one girl and i throw it out in the fb,,serve urself..I hope u read it before i remove u from frenz list...Heartache mostly...........Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Dont eva come in our life any more,,..I can be patience until u disturb my parents,,...Got it sis???Sis????Blahhhh!!!!!Damn with it.......
   Well.btw,,aku pon dont know what more to write,,so,its better to me to make a move and buy ABC.......
But,,when i think about cross,it made me headache..Haish..........

DuGaAn...

   Fuhh!!I guess baru hari nie ada masa nak menyelit masuk jap dalam blog ni and menaip ntah ape-ape je lah yang aku nak taip.1 and 2 mac aku keje petang,blik keje je terus tido..Penat kot..Evening shift,at 1st i think its not so busy like am shift,but actually more busy..Sampai je wad pukul 2,terus dengar report,then bed making.After that go for observation,DXT,injection..Ni x termasuk lagi keje lain,,patient nak ne p OT lar.dressing lar,drip xjalan lar..Admission pun banyak..Memang xberapa dan nak rehat..Break jap je pon sempat..After maghrib lagi lah busy,pas PAP balik sume,wat observation lagi,nk close i/o lagi,nak chart lagi..Pastu dekat-dekat kul 9,bwu lah patient request nak tukar linen coz kotor..So 9 lebih ugak  lah baru boleh balik..Penat memang penat,Tapi xkan nak biar patient yang bed rest tido lam urine dan darah kan..Berperikemanusiaan jugak lah kami nie..Xde lah jahat sangat..
   By the way,2 days keje petang quite ok lah..Memang fun dan xboring......Tomorrow last day kat situ before balik untuk cuti midsem,tapi,13 nanti keje kat situ balik..and my schedule actually always same with kak zyha..I like it...hehe...Oh ye,,,sepanjang 5 hari kat situ,da de sorang patient meninggal..Bawu pas wat amputation,an day 1..Diagnosis as sepsis,tapi dia ada MI..Cdey sangat coz petang tu elok je sembang nge kami,,siap gelak-gelak lagi..Xsangka ajal dia hari tu..\Rasa macam tersa sangat kehilangan,malam tu pun susah nak lelap mata coz terbayang-bayang...:-(..Semoga atuk tue di tempatkan bersama golongan yang beriman.....
   And,tadi pulak,patient bed 17 hypo,dr da on D10..quite ok at 1st..Tapi dia cam penat..So,insert CVP..then the patient almost collapsed,..Bp low,spo2 low,so,dia di transfer ke ICU..semoga dia dapat di selamatkan......
   Balik keje ary ni,ingat nak tido,,pejam punya pejam mata xnak lelap.Last-last aku on lappy ni..Boring....Huh,,nervous lar plak ase,,palpitation,takikardia sume ad...rumate aku balik kg malam ni.alamatnye malam ni aku tdo sorang...Macam lah aku ni berani......Mahu tak mahu terpaksa lah aku beranikan diri jugak....chaiyyok ayu...........
   Waaaa.........aku nak nangis nie......... :'-(................................................................................
maaaaaaa,,xsae tdo sore.....................sob4........!!!!!!!!!!